


Time after Time

by emmerrr



Series: Ronan and Adam navigate life [5]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, POV Adam, adam and ronan sort of have a fight but it's going to be okay I promise, because everything I write has a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 22:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10774134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmerrr/pseuds/emmerrr
Summary: Long distance is hard.Featuring a copious amount of phonecalls and miscommunication. Because unfortunately life can't always be sunshine and rainbows.





	Time after Time

**Author's Note:**

> I've gone from writing something as happy as I could positively get it to writing something where everyone is Struggling. I don't know why.

“Adam.”

A hand waved in front of his face and Adam blinked.

“Adam. You okay?”

He focused on the voice and on the person speaking to him; Kelsey from his calculus class, a concerned look on her face. He remembered now. They were at the library, studying for an upcoming test.

God, he was so fucking _tired_.

He smiled. “I’m fine.”

Kelsey frowned. “You sure? You sorta spaced out there for a while.”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he said, waving off her concern. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.” Or the night before that, or the night before _that_.

“We can take a break if you want. This stuff is mind-numbingly dull as it is.”

Adam nodded; a break sounded like a good idea. “Yeah, okay. I’m gonna go grab a coffee. Do you want one?”

Kelsey nodded, smiling brightly. “Please,” she said.

Adam patted his pockets to make sure he still had his phone and wallet, and got to his feet. He could have just grabbed coffee from the library entrance hall, but he needed some fresh air, and so left to make his way across the large courtyard and get some from the student union instead. As soon as he stepped outside he took his phone out of his pocket and dialed Ronan.

It seemed to take an age for Ronan to pick up, but eventually he did, answering with a hoarse, “Adam.”

“Hey. Did I wake you up?” He checked the time; 11.57am. “It’s almost midday, Ronan.”

“I was up all night, Parrish, give me a break.”

“Why?”

Ronan didn’t answer for a while, and Adam could hear him doing his smoker’s inhale. “I don’t know. Nightmares have been worse lately. It’s better if I nap in the day.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Adam asked softly. He was nearly at the student union, and he bypassed the entrance to lean against the brick wall.

“I just _did_.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I dunno. You’re busy enough. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Adam felt irritation spike through him, sharp and hot. “You’re not a bother, Ronan, _Jesus_.”

Ronan sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“That’s literally exactly what you said!”

“Adam you’ve got, like, exams and shit, a GPA to maintain if you want to keep your scholarship, RA stuff to take care of, your part-time job. . . you’ve got enough on your plate and I know you’re stressed and I didn’t want to add to it. That’s all I meant.”

“I can handle it, thanks,” Adam snapped.

Ronan fell silent. A heavy silence, the likes of which Adam had heard of more and more in the last couple of weeks. They had just been so out of sync with each other, often missing phonecalls, and only managing to talk when one or both of them was bone-achingly tired, and it was hard. Talking on the phone or through skype was great, but it wasn’t enough, not when their tiredness was making them snap and snarl at each other. They both needed a good night’s sleep. But they weren’t likely to get one until they were together again, and that just wasn’t in the cards for another month.

It was really, _really_ hard.

“Ronan? Are you still there?”

“I’m here.”

“Listen, I’ve gotta go. I’m studying with Kelsey and I’m supposed to be getting us coffee right now, but call me later?”

“Alright.”

Adam hesitated. “I miss you.”

Ronan sighed, frustrated. “I know. I miss you, too.” He hung up, and Adam closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He allowed himself a minute just to stand there and feel really miserable and miss Ronan with everything he had, and then he pulled himself together and headed inside to grab coffee.

Back in the library, he passed Kelsey her drink and sat back down.

“Ah, thanks, you’re a life-saver,” Kelsey said gratefully. “Ready to get back to it?”

“Sure.”

 

***

 

Ronan didn’t call that night, but Opal did.

“Hi, Adam,” she said. “Ronan fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake him. But I can?”

“No, no, let him sleep.” Adam ran an anxious hand over his face. “Is he okay?”

“He’s just exhausted. His dreams have been really bad.”

“For how long?”

“A couple of weeks now.”

Adam felt utterly useless. “He didn’t tell me until today,” he said, a little defensively.

“I know. He didn’t want to worry you.”

“Yeah, but him going quiet or whatever is going to make me worry anyway—” Adam broke off, frustrated. None of this was Opal’s fault, or problem. “Never mind that now, how are you? Tell me about the Barns.”

Adam listened while Opal told him about her day, about adventures with Chainsaw and the animals on the farm, about the treasures she’d found on her endless wandering. Adam closed his eyes and let her voice wash over him, let himself picture what she was describing, imagining he was there. When they finally hung up, Adam felt a little clearer, and when he went to bed he slept a little better.

 

***

 

**\- shit adam i’m so sorry i didn’t call, i fell asleep**

**\- are you in class?**

**\- call me when you’re out?**

Adam stepped out of class and hurried to his next one; he’d been late out because he’d had to talk to the professor and didn’t have time to dawdle. He slipped in through the doors of his next lecture with a minute to spare and took a seat near the back, then took out his phone to read the three messages that he had felt buzz in during the last hour.

He leaned forward with his elbow on the desk, chin propped up in his hand, and typed out a quick response.

_\- it’s fine, I talked to Opal. But I have back to back classes all day. I can try and call you at lunch._

He didn’t manage in the end; he grabbed a sandwich and high-tailed it back to his room in order to make the call, but once he got there he came face to face with a tearful freshman who was waiting outside his door. It wasn’t strictly in Adam’s job description as RA to be a guidance counsellor, but the poor girl was crying and he couldn’t very well turn her away. He let her vent about her homesickness and her mid-term stress, throwing in the occasional encouraging comment and staring mournfully at his phone.

After she’d gone, Adam barely had time to eat his sandwich and race back across campus for his next class.

_\- I’m sorry, something came up._

**\- it’s okay, we can try later.**

_\- I’m working later._

Ronan still hadn’t replied when Adam’s classes for the day had finally come to an end, and when he tried to call Ronan during the five minute walk from his dorm to his job at the student union bar, Ronan didn’t pick up.

For one split-second, Adam had a very Ronan-like urge to throw his phone across the courtyard.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he said emphatically.

 

***

 

It wasn’t a good feeling, having to go to bed that night without hearing Ronan’s voice all day. When Adam had finally gotten out of work, he at least had a message waiting, but the content didn’t make him feel any better.

**\- this is shit, parrish. really fucking shit. and i’m not blaming you, or me, i’m just tired and i really fucking miss you i guess.**

Adam hadn’t wanted to risk calling or even sending a reply in case Ronan was sleeping and it woke him up.

He was up early the next morning, and knew that Ronan would be busy around the Barns and unlikely to answer his phone, but he called anyway and left a message on Ronan’s voicemail.

“Hey. This is just to say good morning, and I love you. I’m free after four so I’ll try you then.”

The day dragged, and Adam felt agitated and distracted the whole time. Every time he checked his phone between classes he didn’t have any messages from Ronan and it grated, even though he knew that Ronan probably figured he didn’t need to send one as Adam had already said he was going to call later. But it felt like so long since they had talked — properly talked — and the distance suddenly seemed to matter so much more than it ever had before.

During his lunch break, Adam called Gansey.

“Hey, tiger,” Gansey said when he answered, and Adam felt a fierce rush of affection for his best friend; a warmth that he hoped would never go away.

“Heya, Gans. You busy?”

“I’m always busy. But I always have time for you. What’s up, champ?”

“It’s nothing. Not really.” They spent a few minutes catching each other up on school and the nightmares of deadlines and midterms and the relevant demands that came with an Ivy League education, until Gansey shared an anecdote about Blue’s most recent visit and Adam felt such a pang that he almost choked on his next breath.

“Adam. Seriously. What’s wrong?” Gansey asked, and Adam could hear the frown in his voice.

“It’s Ronan,” Adam said, then laughed wryly. “What else?”

“Are you fighting?”

“Not. . . not exactly. It’s weird. It’s like we’re fighting without actually fighting? I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s fucking _awful_.”

“What’s been going on?”

“Nothing. It’s just. . . like, I’m swamped here, and Ronan’s got his hands full with the Barns and Opal, and we just keep missing each other’s calls. And neither of us is sleeping well so every time we _do_ catch each other we’re irritable and snappy and quick to argue even if we don’t mean to. And I know it’s just because it’s hard, being so far away, and I miss him and he misses me but like. . .” Adam trailed off. “It’s just really shitty at the minute, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I’m not sure if you can fix it to be honest, Adam,” Gansey said, and Adam’s heart sank.

“Why not?”

“I think it’s the kind of thing that’ll fix itself. It’s a busy time. It’s a stressful time. And long distance when you’re busy and stressed just makes you more stressed. When things start to calm down again, you and Ronan will get your rhythm back.”

Adam sighed. “So what you’re saying is I just have to tough it out and wait?”

“Pretty much.”

“Great,” Adam said, disgruntled. He liked problems he could fix. He didn’t like having to wait for them to fix themselves.

There was a long pause, and then Gansey said quietly, “You’re in your third year now; I thought you’d be used to it. But is it really that bad? Missing Ronan?”

Adam hesitated, not sure he really wanted to answer. But Gansey only ever wanted honesty; he never judged you for it. “You have no idea,” he admitted. “Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. I mean, this is what I want, this is where I want to be. But I just wish he wasn’t so _far_. Sometimes he just seems so out of reach.”

“I know it seems that way. But he’s not,” Gansey said. “And that’s a pretty crucial difference.”

 

***

 

His conversation with Gansey made Adam feel a little better, but that had less to do with his pep-talk about Ronan and more to do with the fact that it was _always_ good to talk to Gansey.

Regardless, it buoyed Adam’s spirits through the next couple of hours of classes until he could finally talk to Ronan.

He raced back to his room, threw his satchel at his desk and slumped on his bed, yanking his phone out of his pocket. He called Ronan immediately.

It rang out twice before Ronan picked up. “Hi, Adam.”

“Hey.” Bone-crushing relief rushed through him at them making a connection for what felt like the first time in weeks.

“Sorry I missed you this morning. Thanks for the message you left.”

“That’s okay. I’m sorry I couldn’t catch you yesterday.”

“It’s alright.”

Adam suddenly didn’t know what to say, and Ronan wasn’t particularly forthcoming either. The silence felt brittle, like any words could shatter it.

“Ronan—” Adam said, at the same time as Ronan said, “Adam—”, and then they both fell silent again, before Ronan let out an exasperated grunt.

“Fuck _this_ , Parrish. I’m sick of us getting our wires crossed and then having to fuckin’ apologise to each other all the time. I fucking hate my fucking phone and I hate that you’re not here and I hate feeling guilty for feeling like that and I just. . . _Fuck_!”

“Ronan. . .” Adam dropped his head into his hands. “I know, this has been shit, but it’s just temporary, it’ll get better soon.”

“ _When_ , Adam? I feel like I’m losing my mind over here.”

“When college settles down, I guess? I spoke to Gansey and he said—”

“Wait, you spoke to _Gansey_? When?” Ronan interrupted.

“Today, I called him at lunch.”

“And you spoke about me? About whatever little. . . funk we’re in at the minute?”

“Well. . . yeah, it came up.” Adam was starting to feel like he’d stepped on a land mine.

Ronan’s voice had turned harsh in a way that let Adam know he was hurt and trying to gloss it over by getting angry. “So you’ll talk to Gansey about it but you won’t talk to me?”

“I _am_ talking to you!”

“Yeah, now that Gansey’s already told you whatever you wanted to hear, obviously,” Ronan spat bitterly.

“Ronan, come on, that isn’t fair. And who said he told me what I wanted to hear? He said that I couldn’t fix it, that it would fix itself. Does that sound like something I’d wanna hear?”

“Whatever, Parrish, it’s fine.”

Adam hesitated. “It’s obviously not fine. I’m sorry for talking to Gansey?” he said, but he sounded unsure, because he _was_. It didn’t seem like something he needed to be sorry for.

Ronan obviously agreed. “You don’t _owe_ me an apology, Jesus _fuck_.” He sounded equally as annoyed with himself as he was with Adam. “It’s just. . . maybe I should just come up there? I can get there tomorrow and see you in person and like, talk it out or whatever the fuck.”

“Ronan, I _can’t_ , I just don’t have the time right now.” Adam could feel frustrated tears welling up behind his eyes, but he was desperate to not let them fall.

Ronan went quiet for far too long, and when he spoke his voice was low and a little shaky. “You don’t want me there?”

“ _No_ , fuck, Ronan, I’d have you here all the time if I could, you know that. I need you to know that. But when I say I don’t have time, I _mean_ it. I have back to back classes tomorrow and then I’ll be at work until at least one in the morning. I literally wouldn’t be able to see you, and I’m not having you drive all this way when I can’t give you my full attention. That’s not fair on either of us.”

“Okay. _Okay_ , fuck, that makes sense. I get it.”

“. . . Do you?”

“Yeah, sure. You’re busy, I’m busy, we’ll talk when we’re less busy. I get it.”

“Okay, great. You get it,” Adam said, sounding snarky without meaning to. Ronan was impossible sometimes.

The anger and hurt and longing lingered in the next silence that befell them, and even though it seemed like they should end the phonecall before either of them managed to somehow make it worse, it was clear that neither of them wanted to hang up yet. Sure, they were fighting, and it was shit, but at least it was _something_. And in it was a deep-rooted understanding that it came from a place of caring.

“I have to go,” Ronan said quietly after almost a full minute of neither of them saying a word. “I’m supposed to call Matthew.”

“Okay. I’ll text you later.”

“Okay. I love you, you asshole.” He sounded so sad, and Adam’s heart clenched uncomfortably.

“I love you, too, Ronan.”

 

***

 

The following week was a living nightmare. Adam was busy and stressed enough as it was with classes and studying and work. Sleeping very little had developed into not really sleeping at all, and he only managed to talk to Ronan a handful of times, and never for very long. By the time Friday rolled around, Adam had just about reached his limit.

He called in several favours and managed to get all of his shifts for the weekend covered, then he went online and booked a very last minute flight back to Virginia for that afternoon, begging off his afternoon classes before he could give it anymore thought. It was reckless and stupid and he  _really_ didn't have the time, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to see Ronan.

Adam went to his morning classes, then rushed back to his dorm, packed a duffel with textbooks and a couple of changes of clothes, then caught the bus to the airport.

He knew that Blue was currently at Fox Way visiting her family, so he called her before he boarded and asked if she’d be able to pick him up from the airport — he didn’t want to talk to Ronan until he saw him in person.

Blue was only too happy to oblige, already being driven crazy by Orla at home, and after thanking her profusely, Adam hung up and spent the rest of his waiting time flipping through his notes for class and tapping his foot restlessly.

He napped on the flight and woke up as the plane made its descent, feeling somehow worse than he had before he’d fallen asleep. At least he didn’t have to wait for baggage claim, as his duffel was small enough to take on as hand luggage, and Blue was waiting for him with a wide smile and open arms, which Adam practically fell into. It was _so_ good to see her.

Blue got them on their way and after filling him in on the latest Fox Way shenanigans, she flicked him a brief, steely-eyed stare before refocusing on the road.

“You gonna tell me what this impromptu visit is about? You have midterms next week. This is very un-Adam like behaviour.”

“I know,” Adam said, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. “I just. . . I need to see Ronan. I can’t really explain it.”

But Blue nodded, perfect understanding.

By the time they were heading up the long driveway to the Barns, Adam was practically vibrating in anticipation, equal parts anxious and excited.

“Has anyone ever told you that you drive like a 90 year old?” he asked, and Blue scowled.

“Shut up. If I’m going to get you there, I’m going to get you there _alive_.”

Blue pulled up next to the BMW and as soon as she killed the engine, Ronan and Opal stepped out of the front door, obviously having heard the car. Blue got out first, giving Adam a moment to settle his nerves, and he watched out of the window as she skipped over and gave Opal a hug, then Ronan. She said something, and then Ronan jerked his head towards the car, wide-eyed. Opal started running over, and Adam finally got out of the car.

He shut the door behind him and then Opal barreled into his arms. Adam lifted her up and her little arms locked around his neck.

“I can’t believe you’re _here_ ,” she said happily, squeezing tightly.

“I’m here,” Adam said, smiling. “For the weekend.” He carried her over to where Blue and Ronan remained on the porch, and locked eyes with Ronan.

“Adam, what—?” Ronan asked anxiously, taking a half step forward.

“For the record, this was a terrible idea. I have so much work to do, I have midterms next week and I just spent some of my emergency funds on a plane ticket for a weekend that’s gonna go way too fast. This visit is probably going to do more harm than good when I have to go back on Sunday and face a new week without you. But I don’t care.” Adam put Opal down, and Blue took her by the hand and they went inside the house.

Ronan walked down the rest of the porch stairs towards Adam, a glimmer of a smile now on his face.

“The last three weeks have been the fucking _worst_ , and I’m sorry that I told you not to come last week. But it can’t always be you to make the effort, Ronan. It isn’t fair on you.”

“Adam—”

“I just. . . I _missed_ you, and I can’t sleep, and—”

“Adam!”

_“What?”_

“Will you shut up for a second so I can kiss you?”

“Oh. Well, alright.”

Ronan closed the remaining space between them and cupped Adam’s face as he kissed him _so_ softly. He leaned his forehead against Adam’s. “Thank you for coming. I didn’t want to fight anymore.”

“We weren’t fighting. We were just. . . tired.”

“Try exhausted. Holy shit, Adam, I haven’t slept properly in so _long_.”

Adam dropped his head onto Ronan’s shoulder. “Me neither. Can we nap? I think we should nap.”

Ronan took Adam by the hand and started to lead him indoors. “Parrish, that’s the best idea you’ve ever had.”

Adam grinned, already thinking of Ronan’s ridiculously comfy bed and how good a decent night’s sleep was going to be, wrapped up with Ronan, warm and safe.

A flying visit wasn’t enough, could never be enough, but in this moment Adam and Ronan were together, and that was all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> * title from Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper (because it's a TUNE)


End file.
